look how brown did me
To: brown
From: -b
Subject: look how brown did me
dear brown:
when you started asking what you can do for me in those ads, i had no idea it involved acts of sodomy to get a package delivered. holy moses you fuckers are slow. you’d think i was receiving WMDs or something. but no, it was a simple xmas gift i wanted here, i don’t know, sometime TUESDAY LIKE YOU PROMISED. instead you tricked me into thinking it was “on the truck” wednesday, but decided maybe i didn’t need it then. thursday it was “in your hands,” but the counter clerk had no clue. judging by the actual time it took the fucker to find it, i assume he went over every fucking square inch of your 100,000 square ft facility to find it. frankly i’d rather spend my time in a sling with a dominatrix, but i guess you’re saving that for next time, huh? yeah, like there’ll be a next time. next time my ass is choosing f’en fedex. “i’m just saying.”
fuckers,
-b