ANIMAL HVSBANDRY
R.: oh good god what the fuck is this
-b: it’s that horse Lisa Montgomery that stabbed that girl and stole her baby
R.: and is that the fetus she ripped out of her?
-b: and see what a pretty little bab... we’re way too evil
-b: note how Lisa Montgomery is holding her hand so prim and proper like and yet she is still one of the ugliest fucking people on the planet
-b: she makes me want to fuck a horse. she’s that ugly
R.: oh good god no. first off -b, never say that because now I have visions of a horse on its knees in front of you fellating you and it looks like a cheese grater with those jacked up horse teeth
-b: well envision what you like, that picture is horrid
-b: it makes me want to be gay, because she has two kids and the thought that something fucked that thing TWICE really grosses me out
R.: I’m really glad that I am now. and after you said that, it shows you to be shallow to some degree too. “oh you are ugly. out of my way.”
-b: oh and she had a miscarriage, so three times. something poked her three times.
R.: yes 3 times, like a turkey baster. someone went into the moist depths of that big woman
-b: i can’t imagine how drunk or drugged up they must have been. or maybe she only fucked blind men. but still, their sense of touch should have told them something. because FUCK! ugly like that glows in the dark. you’d have to know R. you’d have to know. and yet something DELIBERATELY fucked her
R.: also big women tend to smell down there. it is called big woman smell
-b: i’m imagining a fish monger smell. only the fish is six days old. and it’s humid out. and 100 degrees. and they didn’t bother to refrigerate or ice the fish
R.: are we having a race to see who will vomit first. because I think with that last comment I lost by default
R.: I am flipping through the channels and horse face is on
-b: i’m thinking about castrating myself because the thought of having to fuck something like that really makes me want to never have sex again
R.: lord. we need to stop