-b’s list
since that fucking bitch sars decided that she’s the arbiter of all things in good taste for his generation, -b thought he’d add a few things she missed. his list isn’t in any real order, and it’s by no means complete. but unlike sars, -b will admit that his list isn’t based on any objective criteria. meaning if you don’t like it, you can go fuck yourself.
- oakleys: they don’t look cool on anyone, least of all middle-aged men. people who wear them should be smacked across the face with a large blunt instrument. especially if they have a goatee (see below)
- goatees: if you wear a beard in winter and goatee during summer, that’s fine. if you wear a goatee because you think it looks cool and everyone else is doing it, think again. you look like you have a fucking pussy growing on your face. shave that shit off. for women who like facial hair: grow your own. yeah, that’s what i thought.
- people who wear baseball caps 1) slightly crooked or 2) backwards: this is so fucking stupid i don’t even know what to say.
- people who wear shower slippers or thongs in public: feet are fucking ugly and nobody should have to look at them.
- dubs: the bigger and shinier they are, the smaller your dick. “i’m just saying.”
- rednecks who listen to rap music: okay that’s far too inclusive. ANYONE who listens to rap. you can’t understand a fucking word and the lyrics are comprised of four mostly monosyllabic words: bitch, fuck, ho and niggah. the four words every culture should want “representin’” them.
- cars with drag racing spoilers: nobody wants to race you or your piece of shit economy car. “ooo. honda civic with spoiler. let me get out of the way.” what the fuck ever.
- starch and creases on denim: they’re casual pants. plus it’s just fucking ridiculous. don’t do it.
- decals bigger than a postage stamp on automobiles: “but you couldn’t see it.” exactly. i don’t care about your honor roll student. i don’t care who you voted for. i don’t care if it’s paid for. i don’t care if you and god support our troops. i just fucking don’t.
- jacked up trucks: and by jacked up, i don’t mean fucked up. i mean biggo tires and a twelve foot lift kit. it’s not impressive and it makes me think you have either a small dick or small ego. probably both.
- public use of cell phones: back in 1997 we probably would have thought you were cool, talking your personal business all loud and shit out in public. now you’re just fucking annoying. go outside with that shit. or better yet, wait til you get home.
- louis vuitton: i have no idea what this shit is about, but i’ll be glad when women quit talking about it all the fucking time.