liaR., liaR., pants on fire
To: R.
From: -b
Subject: liaR., liaR., pants on fire
dear R.,
i’ve been debating for sometime now how i would break the news you’re about to read below. truth is, i’ve had something of a torn conscience since you recently revealed that omission is a form of lying. so rather than risk your verbal wrath, i’ve settled on this forum to transmit the news.
as you know, for some weeks now i’ve been overridden with anxiety and depression. indeed, i’ve even shared the news with our loyal 2bob reader and have on countless occasion wailed plaintively about my plight. what i HAVEN’T wailed about is the root cause of my psychosis.
see a month and a half ago i applied for a job; two weeks ago i was interviewed for said job. now up until monday, i’d heard nothing back. on monday i am told that the position has been filled and that selected candidate had been notified via phone. i hadn’t received a phone call.
until today.
effective now i am once again gainfully employed -- well provided i pass the piss cup test. but that’s not really the important part. the important part is i now make more than you. how much more? well that really isn’t worth discussing right now since i’m sure we’ll have that pissing match once you’ve shifted positions. it is worthy of noting that the amount IS more than five cents. just so you know.
knowing how your diabolical mind works, i’m sure you’ve already dispatched some of your minions to inject me with heroin or something of the like, but you really shouldn’t bother. i plan to be in hiding for the remainder of the week, and of course i’ll be wilds of north carolina the following week (a vacation AND a new job. GLORY!). but good luck with your plot just the same.
anyrate, i hope you can now understand the menial temp jobs with which i occupied my time and my reasons for actually WANTING you to get a better job (i figured good karma might just help out in this bid). you should also probably accept the fact that a liberal arts degree MIGHT just be worth something. “i’m just saying....”
best regards,
-b