a parent trap
-b: this yassar arafat bit. you know the palestinians say he’s only “sleeping”
-b: yet he’s been doing it for a week. who the fuck is he? rip van winkle?
R.: no. arab law. or custom. or whatever
R.: he is dead, but because of their rules, he must be buried and given his last rites to burn in hellfire and damnation
R.: they are stalling for time to get a replacement
-b: they are acting this out like monty python you realize: I’M NOT DEAD YET
-b: YES YOU ARE, YOU’LL BE STONE DEAD IN A MOMENT
-b: my father just put his coffee cup on my table
-b: with no coaster
-b: i’m afraid R., that i’m going to be incarcerated here soon for a very long time
-b: anything you need to tell me before i go?
R.: call 911
R.: I’m on the floor
-b: i was informed that “it won’t hurt anything”
-b: so i went and fetched the coffee pot and flung hot coffee on his ass
-b: as he was screaming in agony from the scalding
-b: i said innocently: “it won’t hurt anything”
R.: no you didn’t
-b: honestly R., come get them
-b: please
-b: you can have them
-b: the audi
R.: OH HELL NO
-b: the inheritance
-b: everything. all yours. just come get them
R.: well aren’t those the same thing? the audi and the inheritance?
-b: lololol
-b: afraid so. but that’s a moot point. point is it’s YOURS
-b: ALL YOURS. yours for the taking
R.: don’t need them
-b: did i mention i got a made from scratch deep dish apple pie out of the visit? made from scratch R.
-b: if you come for them, i’ll throw half of that in as well. really a bargain i tell you
R.: -b, need I remind you that I am diabetic now
R.: so what? here take my parents. and here commit suicide after getting them
R.: eat up
R.: no I don’t
R.: I muz go get ready for my glorious job
-b: see that’s your payback.
-b: karma. it’s a beastly bitch